My mind is screaming.
How the hell is this even possible?
My mind is repeating this over and over again trying to match logic with reality, immediately finding that something is amiss.
I found myself staring at my watch just now, something I do very often when I get lost in my own thoughts. And I realised that this year just went by right before my eyes. Maybe that’s why they say that time is an illusion. Time is a deceiving little trickster. Sometimes it amuses me, but sometimes it makes me question everything I have ever thought to be true about the earth and my existence.
Yes. Time makes me go down the road of questions.
Time takes me places. It takes me to realisations too, because before I know it, I wouldn’t be sleeping in the same room anymore next month…
I couldn’t believe that it has been a year and half ago that I left school, and 2 years since I had first stepped into TJC. It’s such a difficult thing for me to grasp because everything’s just going on so fast. Maybe this is just the nature of time, or maybe im just having a tough time catching up.
Three years ago, 14 would have been an outrageous number. 14 meant adulthood and maturity and all the grown up stuff. But being 14 feels so weird to me right now. … feels so bizarre that I would have thought like that just 3 years ago.
And so much has changed since then.
And I am writing right now with so much disbelief. I want to remember this day, 9.46pm, Sunday December night. I want to look back at this one day and maybe me and future self can share our disbelief.
Time is such a funny thing. Such a funny thing.
It can make me cry too… Sometimes I wish it could go slower. And when I realise that it’s moving too slowly, I beg it to move faster so that all of this can just be part of a memory.
And memories make me nostalgic. Very nostalgic. And I don’t even know why. And when I get nostalgic i’ll cry.
Time is a mystery. I know theoretically that time only exists in this third dimensional plane which is just a hologram. And everything is an illusion…
In other dimensions time doesn’t exist.
I’m really not sure how that works but it’s a mystery. A heck ton of secrets floating somewhere somewhere. Somewhere out there.
Next year is coming soon. I’m actually really nervous.
6th November 2015