I miss my pillow…

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Tonight, I sleep without my love to sniff, and to cuddle.

Im at my cousin’s house, sleeping over. It’s 1.35am and im barely asleep. I wonder if i could wake up at 7 tomorrow . Oh well… the fact that my white fluffy comfort is not here tonight to embrace me makes me feel… i dont know.
For reals, i dont know.

I miss my pillow. I wonder if my pillow misses me.

1.37 am.
Mirrah
19th July 2015

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Im restless, and I cant sleep

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It’s Eid tomorrow. But that’s probably not why I’m so restless.

There’s a burning desire within me, to film something and then edit the crap out of it. But no. Im here in the bedroom tossing and turning with this untamed impulse to produce one good ass video.

Im at my grandmother’s house so there is no internet. Perhaps that’s also why i’m so restless.

Or, it’s probably just the side effects of boredom.

Either ways, it’s torturous, but there’s good in it anyways. Because law of attraction might have saved my butt in the last minute.

Maybe it’s the digestion of this surrealness that my eyes refuse to slumber.

Ahh… I think I feel it coming.. My eyes are getting droopier by the moment now….

2.56 am
17th July 2015
eid
Mirrah.

P.S Im still not asleep. My eyes were false alarming me just now. I think i cant sleep because im not in my bed…

Clarity in Contrast

random, Random Rambles

I think all of this is getting clearer. The reason why it didnt turn out the way I had expected it to, is because the adventure of it is supposed to be there. It’s supposed to be an adventure, to see where I could go, what I could feel, and feel those feelings and then wonder why I have to feel them, only to understand that it’s so much more fun this way! And that’s how i like it, even though I don’t right now. 2.43 pm 16th July 2015 Mirrah

Youtube.

Random Rambles

I continue to see how the evolution of filmmaking has been advancing ever since the beginning of a very revolutionary design; Youtube.

Filmmaking, and the wonders of an editing software. Or rather, the wonders of an idea, the wonders of inspiration. And oh, the wonders of worthiness, of confidence.

YouTube, a platform for everyone, for whatever idea…  Different people and topics fitting in, accumulating into a huge mosaic. And I lay there wondering which part of it I would fit into.

Watching a community grow from the sidelines for so long, I have recently just wondered what it’s like to have a teeny weeny part of the web filled with my videos. So, I curiously dipped my feet into it for a little while, only to pull it back out in fear.  It’s so… intimidating.

I have seen many different ratios of likes and dislikes on other videos, beautiful comments, and the ugly ones. The internet troll is what I fear…They lurk everywhere, even within our very souls.

Overanalyzing until the mind paralyses, effortlessly submitting to the dark thoughts of unworthiness. And to prove my paranoia? It’s just three videos… Just three…

If only I could appreciate me more. If only I could jump again and again into the depths of risk-taking, without fear and without regrets.

But the mind… Oh the mind. God bless the pink organ of thoughts that gets so loud. Too loud for my liking sometimes all the time. Brain, just shut up will you? But alas, the brain is just the brain. It jumps of from one thought, to another one. And then the momentum builds and before you know it, this post went from the topic of filmmaking, all the way to how much fear there is in my mind.

Take a moment to appreciate the mind’s ability to be so detailed in thought, and how far its buff hands of fear could stretch a topic, making you overthink EVERYTHING.

Appreciation has never felt so bad.

5:31pm

Mirrah

Hey

Random Rambles

Hey.

Hey!

Hey…

Hey?

Heyyyy

Punctuation makes a lot of difference to words, but without actual vocal intonations,  it can be quite deceiving.

Hey! Could mean many things. It could mean an excited greeting, or it could be an agitated grumble to express the annoyance when someone haughtily snaggs off the last piece of cake on the plate.

When I type down “Hey” with an exclamation mark, you never really know whether I’m warmly welcoming you, or whether I’m annoyed that you were the one who ate the cake I was planning to eat.

That simply leaves you with a “Hey…”

“Hey…” could also mean many things. It could either mean that the situation is awkward, or that you’re suspicious of something.

Boiling down to the two, you’re either guilty of stealing my cake, or you’re finding me weird due to my pointless rambles.

And to live up to the expectation of this post being pointless, I must go through the meanings of the other “Hey”s.

“Heyyy” could be a substitute for the annoyed “Hey!”, or the suspicious “Hey…”  or it could be a slurred version of the normal “Hey”. It could be an informal or flirtatious way of greeting,  or just a sign that you’re drunk.

“Hey” with a fullstop is probably the most confusing one. It could be lazy, bored, angry, or annoyed. The list goes forever down the stream of endless possibilities.

Well, you never really know.

I just wanted to say, hey you! What better thing to do than to greet someone behind the screen whilst pulling them into this confusing train of thought?
It’s not as bad as you think… I guess.

But Hi, Hello. Hey, nonetheless.

Bye!! 🙂

3.27pm
11th July 2015

Mirrah